Tyler: Do Work

So I just saw a commercial for Ohio tourism. It showed a bunch of people going around to our 'landmarks' like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a, uh, baseball game, and, you know... Old Man's Cave. Right, so we don't have much tourism wise but that's cool. The sad part was the slogan which basically went, 'Ohio! More fun than you can spend in one day! Stay the weekend!" That's right, Ohio is super duper fucking fun but only for 2.5 days. F that N I say.

So check this out. Here's an article entitled 'A Conversation With Ladies 80's' It is exactly what the title implies. Get down.

A Conversation with Ladies 80’s

Death By Dragonry: Good morning, Ladies 80’s. Thanks for meeting so early.
Ladies 80’s: Oh sure. It’s no problem, honey. You’re cute; you can just call me Lady.
DBD: I…don’t think I can do that. Are you drunk?
L8: Drunk? No. But am I sober? Also no.
DBD: It’s 10:30 in the morning…
L8: It’s 5:00 somewhere, baby.
DBD: It’s not. If you don’t mind, what are you high on?
L8: Life!
DBD: …
L8: Also, I did a line in the bathroom.
DBD: That sounds about right. So, you look a lot different than I thought you would.
L8: What were you expecting, sweetness?
DBD: Well, I mean, I’ve heard stories about you. A couple years ago everyone loved you. You were a good dancer. You had cool friends. What happened? You look kind of like…
L8: Like a 37 year old divorcee with two kids, teased hair, and leopard print spandex pants.
DBD: Actually, yeah. That’s pretty accurate. So what happened?
L8: I used to be on top of this town, you know, just like how I don’t like to be in bed! Ha!
DBD: Wow.
L8: Yeah, I was great. Then a bunch of sleazy guys found out about me and realized I was just a $4 buffet of girls looking to have a little fun, if you know what I mean.
DBD: Please stop winking at me.
L8: Then, somehow, a ton of wannabe cougars waltzed through my doors and scared off most of the attractive girls.
DBD: They certainly did.
L8: Now all I’ve got are fake desperate housewives trying to hold on to the last bit of their youth and all the guys desperate enough to sleep with them which is a pretty broad sweep of gross men. Oh, also fat girls. I’ve got fatties in abundance.
DBD: Indeed you do.
L8: So, yeah, balls to the wall. What are you going to do?
DBD: I think you used that wrong.
L8: Yep.
DBD: So what do you do now?
L8: I’m just gonna keep doing what I do.
DBD: Creeping out 20-somethings?
L8: Exactly. What are you doing later anyway. My kids are with their dads for the weekend.
DBD: Oh… things. I’ve got things. Right, so, I’m going to get going. It was real… interesting meeting you.
L8: All right, whatever floats your pickle. Go ahead and call my pager if you’re not doing anything later.