Tyler: Based On A True Story

So I've been thinking lately, I'd really like a lot of movies to open with the phrase 'Based on a True Story.' I thought this first whilst watching Batman Begins recently. I love the thought of that movie starting with that phrase and having everyone check out wikipedia immediately afterward to see if there was an actual batmanny kind of guy. The beauty, of course, is that 'Based on a True Story' is a promise of nothing and therefore could be a completely innacurate claim while stile inferring as much. Wonderful.


This is a passage from the book formally known as DoubleBook. It is my list as I have it now but I am more than open to suggestions and amendments for the list. Simply put, it is concert rules by which to live. Get down.


1. You may not wear the t-shirt of the band you are going to see. We know you like the band; you’re at their fucking show. Also, if you do buy a shirt at the concert from the band you may not wear it for three days. And for Christ’s sake, under no circumstances can you put it on at the show. You’re embarrassing everyone.
2. You cannot listen to the music of the artist you are about to see for at least three days prior to the concert but a week prior is your best bet. Don’t ask why, you just can’t.
3. Don’t yell out ‘Free Bird.’ There is always the off chance they know ‘Free Bird’ and will play it. Don’t put the rest of us through that.
4. You know what, don’t yell out for any song. Have you ever been to a show where someone yelled for a song and the band stopped, looked around, and said, ‘Hey, you know what? That’s a pretty good idea. Let’s do that.’ No, it’s never happened.
5. You’re cousin doesn’t know the band. I don’t want to hear it. Shut the fuck up.
6. Holding your lighter up during a song is wonderful. Holding your cell phone up? You’re just a douche bag.
7. Girls: feel free to show us your tits but be classy about it. Bouncing is classy. Shaking from side to side is not. And if they’re saggy and/or disfigured, thanks but we’ll be alright.
8. This is by far the most important and most intangible rule. Don’t be That Guy. That Guy will always be around, just don’t let it be you.