Roger - An incomplete "getting off my chest"

It should be noted that nothing posted is in anyway in any form or order. This isn't supposed to be our attempt at releasing anything. This is made for people to see our work and comment, and leave there work and comment. We are working on setting up a writing workshop here in Columbus, but as most things I am passionate about, we are having some trouble finding truly dedicated members.

Here is about half of a chapter that will, as I see it, end up being towards the very end of the endeavor we so endearingly refer to as Doublebook. It might make no sense. Well, it probably doesn't make sense. It also might ruin any story you think your getting out of this debacle. Enjoy!

Eli crashed around midnight they tell me. I had gotten home from work at 8 P.M. I had gotten home from school at 4. I knew he was still asleep. I knew he wasn’t out late the night before. I knew he should have been awake. I knew he wasn’t on his third nap of the night. But I waited for four hours after getting home from work to check on him.
Four hours of sitting.
Four hours of staring.
I had decided not to drink that night. Not that night.
I had a book open, but in four hours I never turned the page.
This had happened before. It wasn’t anything new. He would eventually open the door and say some cheesy fucking line. “What’s up, sug?” That’s what he’d say. He’d ask if coffee was on and I’d make fun of his napping habits. He’d tell me he had “a lot of habits don’t be so specific” or some shit. We’d talk about girls, whiskey, and bad movies, not necessarily in that order. We would geek until one of us had to leave, me for work or him for the doctors.
I’d like to say things had been different that week, or day, or month, but it hadn’t. The same shit, no difference. No weird attitude, nothing. Just normal bullshit. Normal fatigue. Normal irritability. He hadn’t been going out for months; I think the only reason he was at the apartment was to check on me. He knew how fucked up I’d get if he wasn’t around. He knew how much I need him. He was there for that. I’d like to think he did the same for me. I’d really like to think that. I don’t, but it would be nice.
I didn’t bother knocking when it struck midnight. I had contemplated knocking down his door all day. I had contemplated it other days. Just to make sure he was breathing. Just to make sure one of his numerous surgeries hadn’t gone ary. He had lived in a nursing home type thing for a couple weeks after the last one. He was so weak he couldn’t really geek or anything.
He stopped writing a few weeks ago, I guess that was different.
He just lay still in the bed. He was on his back, which was off. He sleeps on his stomach. I don’t know why or how I know that. He didn’t look peaceful. He didn’t look calm. He looked fucking dead.
They tell me he wasn’t, but he sure fucking seemed like it.
I called for the bus before I checked his heart or anything. I knew it wasn’t right. He wasn’t like he should have been. I assume the medics came there pretty quickly, but it didn’t seem like. EMTs don’t get paid by the hour, that’s why I think they got there so quickly. Cops got there an hour later, or so they told me. Figures, huh.
I didn’t CPR while I waited. I don’t know if his heart was stopped. I would’ve checked his pulse but I could only feel mine own racing. It vibrated my whole body. I breathed into him but it all came out of him in this weird burping like noise. Like my air wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t right. I did everything like I’ve seen on the movies, but nothing changed.
The medics told me I couldn’t ride with. I’ve always wanted to know why. Maybe it was cause I looked so fucking insane. Maybe cause I wasn’t a family member or something. I didn’t argue, they had more pressing issues to work on. The bus rolled out and I ran into the apartment. Everyone in our shitty development was outside their doors. It was the first time I’ve ever seen them out without having a bowl or a bean bag in their hands. I grabbed Eli’s phone off of his floor and called his mom. I just told her that the bus was on its way to OSU hospital and that I’d meet her there.
I don’t know why I decided to run there. I guess my body just told me my will would carry me faster than a car. I don’t remember the run. I don’t remember my body hurting. I don’t remember hating myself for being out of shape. I don’t remember the run, just the lights of the hospital.
I feel bad for the nurses that had to deal with me. I’m sure I wasn’t speaking coherently. I was just so fucking frustrated that they didn’t already know what I wanted. I caught the medics walking out and chased after them, damn near talking one of them.
“Where? Where?!” I screamed incoherently.
“Come on,” one of them said. He grabbed my arm and hustled me into a hallway in the E.R. “He’s in this room but I promise it will be better if you just let the doctors do what they have to do. Just wait out here and a nurse will help you.”
He walked away and I stood staring at the swinging doors. Ever once in awhile a nurse would come in or out. They all had blank faces. I guess if you see this enough you can’t really get too emotional. It was my first time. Stoicism had been thrown out the door. Eventually, a younger nurse saw me staring, standing in the middle of the hall.
“Are you lost, or something?” she asked.
“That’s my friend. I don’t know what happened. I just want him…I just don’t know what to do,” I responded.
She suggested I wait in the lobby, but the look on my face must have let her know that was out of the question. “Just wait here and I’ll try and find out for you.”
I followed her into the room, which I’m sure she did not intend on me to do. There were people all around Tyler. He had tubes down his throat and shit. I shouldn’t have been in there. The doctor let me know that, but I already knew. Maybe that’s why they don’t let you in the back of an ambulance. It’s like the door to the kitchen at a restaurant; it’s just not something you’re supposed to see, ever.
I stood in the way of just about everyone in the lobby. Time passed, don’t know to what extent. Eli’s mom rushed in at some point. She yelled at a bunch of nurses, just as incoherently as I probably had. His father trailed behind her by a few seconds. I grabbed his arm and dragged him outside the room Eli was in. He looked through the glass windows in the doors and stared. We didn’t say anything.
What the fuck could you?
Eventually, Eli’s mom pushed us aside and went inside. After a few minutes, most of the people exited the room, mother included. She was bawling, throwing herself at her husband. He just held her. Nothing to say. Nothing.
I turned and walked toward exit. The nurse he led me in most have noticed me leaving, as she called me to wait.
“He’s gone into renal failure. His body just stopped working. I guess he had a surgery recently,” she told me.
“He had a meat flap, or something,” I babbled.
“Um, I’m not sure what that is, but the he doesn’t have much time left. He’s unconscious right now, but we can bring him back for a few minutes if the parents permit,” she said.
“Where’s the nearest liquor store?” I asked her.
“Um, I don’t know. You know, you might want to be here if they do decide to bring him out.” I looked around the room. There was an old bum sitting in the corner with a big, bloody piece of gauze stuck to his head.
“Hey! Old man! Where’s the nearest liquor store that’ll sell me shit after hours?”
“Go to the 7-Eleven and tell them Constantine sent you,” he yelled back in a think accent. I didn’t bother to thank the nurse. She probably needed me too. That probably would have meant something to her. I just didn’t know how much time I had.
I had run across campus so many times, late for class or an exam or something. This time was the quickest, I’m sure. The 7-Eleven doesn’t normally serve liquor, but apparently the name Constantine pulled some wait in the “Quick-E-Mart” world. I asked for Maker’s Mark, but they only had Grand Dad’s. How fitting.
When I got back to the hospital, the rest of Eli’s family was there. Brother, sister, the blonde sister-in-law I made an ass of myself in front of at her wedding. They were all crying in the lobby. I walked right past them to the room. His mom and dad were talking to the doctor a little ways down the hall. The doctor was just nodding his head a lot and looking sad. I opened the doors and saw him. There was still a big, blue tube coming out of his mouth. I pulled up a stool in the corner real close to him.