Tyler: Do Work

So I just saw a commercial for Ohio tourism. It showed a bunch of people going around to our 'landmarks' like the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, a, uh, baseball game, and, you know... Old Man's Cave. Right, so we don't have much tourism wise but that's cool. The sad part was the slogan which basically went, 'Ohio! More fun than you can spend in one day! Stay the weekend!" That's right, Ohio is super duper fucking fun but only for 2.5 days. F that N I say.

So check this out. Here's an article entitled 'A Conversation With Ladies 80's' It is exactly what the title implies. Get down.

A Conversation with Ladies 80’s

Death By Dragonry: Good morning, Ladies 80’s. Thanks for meeting so early.
Ladies 80’s: Oh sure. It’s no problem, honey. You’re cute; you can just call me Lady.
DBD: I…don’t think I can do that. Are you drunk?
L8: Drunk? No. But am I sober? Also no.
DBD: It’s 10:30 in the morning…
L8: It’s 5:00 somewhere, baby.
DBD: It’s not. If you don’t mind, what are you high on?
L8: Life!
DBD: …
L8: Also, I did a line in the bathroom.
DBD: That sounds about right. So, you look a lot different than I thought you would.
L8: What were you expecting, sweetness?
DBD: Well, I mean, I’ve heard stories about you. A couple years ago everyone loved you. You were a good dancer. You had cool friends. What happened? You look kind of like…
L8: Like a 37 year old divorcee with two kids, teased hair, and leopard print spandex pants.
DBD: Actually, yeah. That’s pretty accurate. So what happened?
L8: I used to be on top of this town, you know, just like how I don’t like to be in bed! Ha!
DBD: Wow.
L8: Yeah, I was great. Then a bunch of sleazy guys found out about me and realized I was just a $4 buffet of girls looking to have a little fun, if you know what I mean.
DBD: Please stop winking at me.
L8: Then, somehow, a ton of wannabe cougars waltzed through my doors and scared off most of the attractive girls.
DBD: They certainly did.
L8: Now all I’ve got are fake desperate housewives trying to hold on to the last bit of their youth and all the guys desperate enough to sleep with them which is a pretty broad sweep of gross men. Oh, also fat girls. I’ve got fatties in abundance.
DBD: Indeed you do.
L8: So, yeah, balls to the wall. What are you going to do?
DBD: I think you used that wrong.
L8: Yep.
DBD: So what do you do now?
L8: I’m just gonna keep doing what I do.
DBD: Creeping out 20-somethings?
L8: Exactly. What are you doing later anyway. My kids are with their dads for the weekend.
DBD: Oh… things. I’ve got things. Right, so, I’m going to get going. It was real… interesting meeting you.
L8: All right, whatever floats your pickle. Go ahead and call my pager if you’re not doing anything later.

Tyler: Back The Fuck Off Me

Check this shit out. Josh Rea (Is Gea) drew this logo thing. Be jealous.

Alright, so (really I doubt anyone has noticed) I haven't posted a story, a real live story here in a while but, look, I got my reasons. Mostly, the reason I haven't finished a story is because I've been writing more than I am currently able to finish. I'm on chapter 11 of me and Roger's book. I've got two other concept book I've started and come back to here and there. I've got a collection of short stories I hope to make into an actual collection of short stories. There's maybe three finished but at least ten started. Beyond fiction writing, I'm doing more consistent writing for CMH which is a little cool. Also, the Death By Dragonry zine just needs more material if we're going to do more than one issue. I may not be considered the greatest writer but goddamn if I'm not a prolific fucker. Maybe someday I'll finish something.

Tyler: Write Write Write

Couple things here then a paragraph from a story.

Firstly, the Death By Dragonry zine is very close to completion and, actually this just crossed my mind. I have no idea what we're going to do with it once it's done. I mean, I imagine we'll put it places, it's obviously free, I have no idea where. I have no idea about any kind of distribution. 100% clueless. Wonderful.

Moving on, CMH just contacted me and wants me to do more things which is weird because about a week ago they wanted me to do just about nothing. Don't quite know how I feel about it. Hmm.

Ok, so, this is a short story (I mean, real short though. The entire thing is under 400 words) mostly about my ineptitude with women but more specifically how it takes me mere seconds to fall for a girl. Sadly, this part is completely true and still relatively painful to think about. I'm just going to post a portion of it though in hopes that I can actually get something published someday. Huzzah.


I’ve always had a problem with falling in love with girls. Any girl. Often for little reason at all. For two years in high school, as a scared young man desperate for some kind of female attention, I feigned an undying love for Oasis because some girl liked them. I cannot even say for sure that she had any interest in me whatsoever but I was almost positive that if I talked to her about the drunken fucking brothers Gallagher long enough she would eventually fall head over heels for me. It didn’t work out, which is one thing, but now there is a girl, name withheld, currently residing in the Greater Columbus Area that actually thinks ‘Wonderwall’ is my favorite, all-time, number one song. Just to know that she’s out there is embarrassing as shit.